Well, I can say that even though I don't have a clue about the game thing I can still get into the story just fine. You write good.
(Obviously I haven't read it all yet LOL!)
The only thing I have to say... because I'm all OCD about it... is... overuse of commas
. **Cringe** Don't hate me!
I'll just leave it at that.
Another baby wails for my attention. It's as if they have a built-in sensor chip that alerts them to the fact that mom is daring to relax.