Issue #UK41: Christmas Breaker!
That's right, my people; it's the first CHRISTMAS ISSUE! And I mean this was Christmas '85, back when Christmases were good. Back then, when I opened a present it was always something AWESOME, like a Soundwave or a Modulok. These days, it's more likely to be a sweater or a gift voucher. Bleh. Nobody gives me toys anymore... *breaks down and weeps*
Anyway, speaking of uncontrollable weeping, let's see what the grinches at Marvel UK do with the yuletide period. We open with Circuit Breaker (for it is she) yelling "Damn robots!" at the newspaper, because of the captured aerospace workers telling their story. Their story, if you recall, involved them eating pizza after their thieving ways let giant robots into their workplace.
She's so angry that she sets the paper aflame with her sparky powers before having a FURIOUS BACKSTORY RANT. Seriously, guys, we don't need to see her origin story every time she appears. At this stage the only people who appreciate it are those with disability fetishes and/or short-term amnesia. Why's she ranting out loud, anyway? She's on her own in the middle of a snowy street. If she's not careful someone will see through her cunning TRENCHCOAT AND HAT disguise. "Hang on a minute... that's not Columbo!"
Meanwhile, at the Ark, the Autobots are celebrating Christmas, by which I mean constructing some grotesque mockery of a Christmas tree and dressing Prime up as Santa Claus. Where the hell did they get all that red fabric and fur from? Why do I think Brawn went out and killed several hundred mall Santas for their costumes?
Prowl, of course, hates the whole thing, because he's a miserable &$£@. But apparently it's to humour that annoying little weiner Buster, because they 'owe him.' For what... I'm not entirely sure. The discussion of holiday charity leads to Buster and Jazz discussing Circuit Breaker (with another flashback! Way to cut down on all those original panels you had to write, guys!), before setting off to deliver Sparkplug's gifts. He waits until Christmas Eve to deliver them, then gets someone else to do it? I hope he has another heart attack.
Ahhh, some children having fun in the snow. This is more like it, how cheer- OH NO ONE OF THEM'S FALLEN THROUGH THE ICE OH GOD SHE'S BEATING FUTILEY ON THE ICE AS THE OTHERS STARE HORRIFIED AT HER SCREAMING FACE OH GOD WHY DO I READ THIS COMIC WHAT'S WRONG WITH THESE PEOPL- and then Circuit Breaker swoops down to save her. Hurray! She even restarts the kiddiwink's heart with more electrickery.
Mind you, the others then pelt her with sticks while calling her a weirdo, a monster and a freak. That's what you get for doing a good deed in THIS comic, Josie ol' pal. Also, she must have MAJOR goosebumps wearing that outfit in the middle of a snowfall. A nice scarf, hat and mittens are so rarely the fashion choices of scantily-clad female comics characters. Understandably upset (at the name-calling, not the goosebumps), she sets some more stuff on fire and then flies off.
Who should be speeding by but nobody's favourite adventuring duo, Buster n' Jazz? Turns out Wheeljack hasn't fitted snow tyres to anybody yet, and Jazz promptly spins out and crashes. Notice how he bravely transforms, thus ejecting Buster out into the air rather than keeping him safely belted into a car. Do you blame him?
Funnily enough, Circuit Breaker takes this as an attack on a human, when of course we know it's merely reckless endangerment. She pretty much kicks Jazz's tail again, until Buster tries to stop her. He's not going to succeed, but then... CHURCH BELLS. Why, what day is it today? Christmas day, Mister Scrooge!
That's right... insane, murderous Circuit Breaker changes from killing mode to wishing a merry Christmas solely due to festive cheer. Either that or she's decided to return and kill those ungrateful kids instead. I guess that's... kinda a happy ending? It's the best we're getting anyway. Season's greetings, y'all!
P.S. That's a super-sweet digital watch Buster has there, isn't it? Yet another awesome eighties present that nobody gives any more. Gift vouchers? GIFT VOUCHERS? THEY'RE LIKE MONEY YOU CAN ONLY SPEND IN ONE PLACE!
You exist because we allow it. You will end because we demand it.
Oh, and OK to print...